Wednesday, July 15, 2015

What If?

     When I sit and talk with folks, sharing information about CHD, I always make a point to share a little bit about our families journey.  I go through the list of Cora's diagnosis and answer any questions I can.  I am pretty versed in her multiple diagnosis'.  So much that most of the time I ramble them off not thinking!

     I recently was on Pinterest and read something that made my mouth jaw drop!  I read it again and gasped.  As I let the words sink into my head, a realization within occurred! A light bulb went off, and then the guilt began to creep in.
     Over the years there has been so many complex diagnosis' for Cora.  Each one stemming from another.  All coming together pointing to her original diagnosis....a congenital heart defect.  As time has passed I have noticed changes that many probably don't.  I have gotten so use to tallying them up to a side effect from a diagnosis, I just note it and move on.  But maybe I have been to quick to make those calls. For many I'm sure it appears that Cora over analyzes some situations.  Double, sometimes triple checking things.  Going down the check lists, mentally marking them off with each question she asks.  While other times it's a conversation about the what ifs of life and how to be prepared. To many it may seem like making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I can sympathize because I can relate.  This is one of the many traits that make Cora so unique.   
     After reading this statement on Pinterest, I discovered something.  Cora's over analyzing the what ifs, fits me to a tee!  Maybe her unique thought processes don't stem soley from her CHD. Maybe some of the over analyzing genetically came from me.  
     Now I really have no idea if it could be, or even if that's possible, but maybe it is! I analyze situations so much!  I'm frightened I won't be prepared if that something or things actually happen.  I have mentally done this from the time I was in elementary school.  Some of my worst fears growing up were not being prepared for something...anything really! So I analyzed everything in every possible scenario just in case.  As I've gotten older I have adapted, but the thought processes that analyze the what ifs, are still there.  It is amazing that I have never thought anything of it, until I read the statement on Pinterest.
     I will make sure to share my discovery with Cora, and assure her that there is no shame in her unique thought processes that analyze situations.  Together we'll have to learn to find happy mediums in our lives.
      My lesson is so profound!  I must learn to never be to quick to draw a conclusion.  Sometimes the most obvious answer, is the wrong answer!

Blessings Until Next Time!
Drena