Friday, November 8, 2013

Finding Faith!

     So my earlier blog I posted my struggles in faith during my beginning pregnancy with my CHD daughter, Cora.  I debated sharing this information, but felt moved to share, so everyone can see my journey of struggles.
     For many years I was a surface Christian as I call it.  I knew very little about my faith, but portrayed  to others that I new more than I did.  Really, I was a lost soul.  Then God got through to me.  He didn't give up on me, and saw my little seed that needed nourished, educated, and loved.
     God began putting people in my life that I constantly learned from.  I was given my first Bible by my now sister in law.  I began reading it immediately craving to learn more.  I discovered so much about God, Jesus, and myself.  I began attending my Grandmothers church, and discovered the power of prayer, and forgiveness.
     Years later I married and was blessed with the pregnancy of my first daughter, Cora.  I was on cloud  nine.......then everything fell apart.  Learning early in my pregnancy all the complications and likeliness of the baby I was carrying would die after birth, I felt my world crumble.  I was frightened, confused, and very angry.  I felt I was being punished for all my prior sins.  That everything I had learned and diligently lived my life for serving The Lord, was for nothing.  I honestly felt God closed my faith door and left me in the cold all alone and unarmed.  I lost faith in myself and felt let down. 
      However throughout my pregnancy everyday I prayed for forgiveness.  For every single sin and mistake I could remember making, and begged for forgiveness, and a miracle for my unborn baby.  My first pregnancy and I wasn't that glowing happy Mom to be.  Nope.....I was bitter and angry with every person that was a Mom to a health baby.    I didn't understand or stop to pray about it.  I just let all that anger, resentment, and self pity fester inside.
     Then The Lord revealed himself to me.  Not directly but through the miracle of my daughter's birth. Her birth was scary and almost a heartbreaking experience, but he showed his grace and love for my daughter and myself.
     12 years later, 4 open heart surgeries, and learning how to coop with a twisted brain stem, no immune system, and cognitive memory obstacles, The Lord is still blessing my daughter, Cora, and myself with grace, courage, and faith.
     Though our days are jammed packed and the time flies by.  The Lord shines a light onto my daughter.  That light reminds me that The Lord's miracles exist, and his grace is everywhere.  I can NOT look at my Cora and not believe in God's existence.  She is a true miracle, not just by evaluation but from her doctors as well!  For he alone gave me my Cora as she is, and for that I pray gratitude, and praise daily.

Blessings until next time.