How CHD Changed Me!

     I have shared a lot with you about my daughter's journey being a child born with a severe Congenital Heart Defect.  I have yet to share how CHD changed me!  I have touched on how I have adjusted and handled being a Mom of a child born with a CHD, but as a woman....a person...there is much more!

     I grew up my entire life thinking I needed to be strong.  Holding in my emotions, never tipping my hand when someone dealt me a major blow.  I remember when I was a young teen, I overheard a family member telling a friend, a sure sign of a weak female is her uncontrolled emotions.  That was enough for me to strive to be tough, to swallow the hurt, fear, and tears.  Never show my hand, never show my emotions, and I would never get hurt.  Instead of living my life free, I spent many a days building walls around my feelings, my heart.....me!   My heart was hardening as I continued to not allow God to enter and work his wonders.  But strange enough I believe God was working inside me all along.

     When I became pregnant with Cora and discovered my first born baby had heart issues well.....I continued building those walls.  I kept my emotions in check...hidden from my husband.....for that matter everyone I was in contact with. Then something changed one day. God began working a miracle in me!  He seeked me out, accepted me in my fear, anger, and rock bottom moments.  He began repairing me....removing my fear, withdrawing the pent up anger, and restoring me with faith.  Faith that I can make it!  Strength that no matter what happens he is with me, walking beside me and carrying me when I am just to weak to be strong one more minute. 

     I went from a bitter angry person...who by the way felt sorry for herself and thought God was punishing me for making wrong decisions in my life leading up to my pregnancy!  To......a renewed person!!!  I was shown that I could trust him with all of me.  He would be there for me despite falling short everyday.  It was not until I actually gave birth to Cora that I felt I had been shown God's complete love for me!

     Was I frightened the entire pregnancy?  Absolutely!!  Did I have setbacks in my faith journey?  I still have those days...BUT......it's different now!  I walk each day with The Lord's love, forgiveness, and word.  I have learned the glories of prayer, and releasing of worries.

     I know that my daughter will forever have a critical severe congenital heart defect with setbacks along our journey in life together....BUT..... I also know God has a purpose for Cora!!  That all that she has been through is with purpose!  I've learned that there will be setbacks, tears, fear, worry, anger, and hurt.  I have also learned that all those things are temporary!  As long as I stay grounded in my faith, and guide my daughter together we can tackle all those negatives and slay them with scripture and prayer.  I am a better person, Mom, wife, and daughter because of this journey God has put me on.  I walk each day grateful for my low because without it I wouldn't have discovered the GREAT love of Christ Jesus, and God!!

Blessings until next time!

Drena

Mother's Day Blessing!

   Happy Belated Mother's Day to all of the wonderful ladies celebrating this day! This year I saw and heard so many ads on the "perfect" gifts to get Mom.  As I sat watching and listening to these ads it hit me.......Mom's are only happy if given something.  We need flowers, jewelry, candies....you name it, us Mom's need it.  Are Moms really that materialistic?  I certainly hope NOT!  I certainly do not like what the media and retail has turned Mother's Day into.  All this hype got me thinking...what exactly DOES Mother's Day mean to me.  So here goes....

     Mother's day(s) are sacred moments throughout the year.  It shouldn't be just one day a year your child stops to recognize how awesome you are!  It should be the entire year.  

     Children recognizing and being grateful for what their Mom does only one day of the year, made me wonder if children are ungrateful the other 364 days?

     Personally I don't need those materialistic items to make me feel like a special Mom in their eyes.  Finding a little note written by my children on my pillow greeting me when I turn in for the night, is so thoughtful and wonderful!  A moment in a busy week when my child stops and gives me a hug....a special bonding moment! The thoughtful moment my daughter has when she empties the dishwasher and put the dishes away.  Getting another day with my CHD daughter.....priceless!  Having one of my girls yell from another room "I love you Momma."  Well that one of the best gifts I can receive!  

     God has made each Mother as unique as each child we are given wether by birth or adoption.  That alone is celebration for a Mother's Day everyday.

Walking A Fine Line!

     Being a parent I find it difficult some days meeting expectations of my children and myself. I get the feeling that my best is just short of what it should and needs to be.

     Then there are those moments when The Lord shines through, and the exhaustion and headaches subside.  My inner Wonder Woman Mom shines through.  

     Being a Mom of a CHD child I feel like I am always walking a fine line.  I am always wearing my "day clothes" but just underneath my "Wonder Woman Gear" awaits!  

     Do I want my child to be treated differently than others?  No!  Do I discipline the same as my other children?  Yes I do!  BUT....there are times when I must interject to advocate for my daughter.  Times when her voice just isn't heard!  Times when someone doubts her knowledge about her own anatomy.  That's when that fine line gets just a hair blurry and I find that "Wonder Woman" Mom steps in!  

     I want my daughter to stand up for herself and share her unique story,  I want her to be brave to share the uniqueness she posess.  BUT.....when a grown person doesn't want to hear her, or boarders on insinuating she is lying, I just won't stand for that.  Cora is still learning about herself and try's hard to share with everyone what she knows.  Does she always use the correct term?  No!  Would most people get the idea of what she is saying if they took a moment to stop and listen to her?  I would hope so...BUT I am getting a different feeling lately!

     All this leads up to a conversation I had with Cora after school today.  She is currently learning about the human body in school, and of coarse she wants to share her own story with the class.  Well I guess that wasn't received well my anyone..including the teacher.  As I listened to Cora express how students told her she was lying, and the teacher telling her what she was describing couldn't be because she'd be dead...Upset....YES!!!!!

     I sat quietly trying to focus on her as she continued to tell me how she lost a point for not describing the human body properly.  She said she tried to explain to the teacher that she understood the verbal directions to describe "your" human body.  Since Cora didn't put the immune system on it she lost a point.  Cora told me "Mom I tried to explain that I don't have an immune system so that's why I didn't write it on there."  I understood what she meant, not having a spleen and being septibal to all illness (which she takes medication for)....but the teacher said not possible you'd be dead.

     Well I had heard enough!  I quietly got out my ipad and began an email to her teacher.  I was nice but firm.  I expressed how Cora was upset due to the reasons I expressed above, and would be more than happy to come to class to share her unique anatomy, that is nothing short than a miracle.  I also took a few extra minutes to express her anatomy (I covered Cora's diagnosis in a previous post) so she was sure to make the connection from what Cora was trying to share to the actual medical names.

     What bothers me about this entire situation is a grown person argued with a child on something he/she doesn't know enough about.  An adult teacher doesn't know my child's medical history, and to imply that clearly what my child's diagnosis is not remotely possible, and then to continue to imply she is being untruthful...all the while in front of Cora's peers....well it is unprofessional, not adult like, and well.....just wrong!!!  I do hope this teacher contacts me next week and takes me up on my offer to come educate his/her class and themselves on the anatomy of MY child!!!

I shall let you know if something happens....so.....to be continued....

Blessings until next time.

Drena