Sunday, April 27, 2014

Torn Between........

     So the other evening I was heading upstairs to finish up the laundry for the night, exciting I know!  Any who, I reached the top of the stairs and heard Cora singing a Frozen song.  I stopped to listen, and watched through a mirror across the hall from the bathroom she was in.  The door bing cracked, I could see her brushing her hair and looking at herself in the mirror.  She stopped for a minute and touched the top of her scar on her chest while looking at herself in the mirror.   I wondered what she thought at that moment, and how many times she's done that?  I stood silent watching and listening, tearing up at the same time.
     I stood remembering that sweet little baby fighting for her life, to now being 13 and growing.  I was torn....part of me was exstatic she has fought for 13 years, but part of me didn't like the idea of her growing up anymore.   Selfish I know...everyone has birthdays and gets another year older, but......birthdays are not always joyous for me!
     I celebrate Cora's birthday and share her excitement each year as she talks about driving, prayinging for her future husband, school, finding a career one day....all the normal teen stuff.  However in the back of my mind I keep my reality check!    Cora is a child of the most high God.  She has been a miracle to myself and our family, she has beaten so many odds, but I know she is here only temporally, like us all.  However with her rare heart conditions her temporally could be sooner than many others. 
     I have had to overcome many obstacles having a CHD child many don't know or ever really understand.  Which is ok, I get it.  I have also had to face things I never knew existed until I had my Cora.  Honestly as she grows it gets harder.  Harder in the sense that new obstacles arise within her physically and mentally, but knowing in the very depths of my vaulted mind...her condition is so rare, and statics with her conditions are grim when looked at life span.
     Knowing I may only have a few years with her here on earth, I put my full love and faith into God.  What is to be will be!  I pray that God will continue to work within me making me strong and understanding.  I pray that Cora continues living life not knowing what I know about this....and that she continue to make plans and dream like any other healthy teenage girl!

Blessings until next time!