Her Revived Heart!

     Life can be filled with many joyous moments.  They can lift your spirits and give you hope.  Life can also be challenging and overwhelming.  One thing I have learned being a parent, you are never prepared for either.  Sharing the joyous moments with your children are easy!  Seeing them shine and take in life, blissfully, is all any parent really could want.  However those painful challenging moments, well they are so difficult to maneuver through with your child.  

     A while back our family went through a rough period with Cora.  Everyday was a sad day for her.  She was angry one minute, and then very upset the next.  Parenting through this time was difficult.  It doesn't matter how many books I've read, or who had solicited their advise, I was struggling.  I wasn't prepared with insight or answers to help her through her hardship.  Laid in front of me was a simple question from my CHD child, and I was a deer in headlights!  Please understand, this isn't easy to admit.  It's not pleasing to admit the fact that I fell short being there for Cora at a moment she truly needed me.  None the less, I feel it important to share.  

      Her simple question.....Why did God make her this way?  Why did she get all the issues with her heart, her learning, and her different anatomy? 

     At the time I was speechless.  I had nothing to offer her but a hug, and a shrug of the shoulders.  Unfortunately I felt like a failure.  I am suppose to be the Momma who has all the answers, who can make anything better.  But.....I did none of the above.  Praying each night I asked God to show me the way.  To quickly bless my mind so I could go back to my baby girl and give her some peace.  Waiting for some sign of inspiration to share with Cora, I searched high and low.  Then one afternoon as I was driving I received the help I needed!

     All kinds of scripture was going through my head, some I have never even read.  One in particular stuck.  Overthinking, as I often do, I thought I had to have seen it somewhere before.  Pushing that thought aside, I kept repeating it in my mind.  I continued resighting it so I wouldn't forget.  The moment I was able to look it up and read it, I knew God was giving me this verse to aide in parenting Cora.  Ezekiel 36:26 states "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you."

     With that verse fresh in my mind, I shared it with my daughter.  I expressed that we may never truly know why God does the amazing things God does, but he has his reasons and we have to embrace them. The Bible says that He will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.  The heart you were born with had its flaws and was needing repaired.  That was God's way of giving you a new revived heart, and a new spirit, that has molded you into the perfect person you are right now!  I can't tell you life won't continue to be hard and sometimes sad.  I can tell you God only has the best for you.  We may have to look a little harder sometimes to find it, but God wants you to always receive his glories.

     I have no idea if any of what I shared with her sunk in, or made much sense to her.  However it was a wonderful reminder to this CHD Momma who faces mental battles sometimes, and wonders some of the same things Cora does.  Hopefully in time God's hand in molding Cora will show her the beauty of why she is the way she is.  Perfect in God's eyes...and mine too!

A Special Letter!

     With the hustle of everyday schedules, routines, and well....life, I seem to forget the little things.  I am so busy checking lists, making sure you've taken your medication, helping you remember things, and making sure we get where we need to be.  I just haven't slowed down to tell you how special you are to me.  Expressing my emotions verbally isn't my strong suit,  as you well know.....so today I am slowing myself down and writing you a very important letter.  A letter I should have written yo you years ago. 

     From the moment you were born and I saw your sweet little face and your cole black hair I thought.....that can't be my child...she has cole black hair!  :). All kidding aside, I was so happy you were born.  I was so frightened during delivery, and felt heartbreak when you were born.  Hearing the doctors say you weren't breathing, I felt so alone.  Being without Daddy and having a bunch of strange people surrounding me, I prayed and cried uncontrollably not understanding The Lord's plan.  Then something changed...I heard you whimper...I heard a man say you were breathing....I continued to cry uncontrollably...still not understanding The Lord's plan.  Watching them roll you over to me and getting to see you for the first time in the incubator, I was so pleased to see you.  I was enamored by your beauty and peaceful face!  That one moment in time has lasted forever in my heart.

     As you have grown you have amazed me each day in some way.  You have had more struggles than any child or person should have to endore, but you always have seemed to pull through it.  Still not understanding The Lord's plan, I am now ok with that.  I may never know what the plan is, but I know you have purpose, and your life journey is inspirational to me and many others.

     I believe God gives miracles to those he loves....sweetie you are mine!  There were set backs that amazed doctors when you beat those odds.  When Daddy and I were told to stay close because of the unknown, you grew stronger and fought harder each time! I believe the prayers of many who prayed far and near for you were heard.  That may be why your still here fighting the daily fight, growing in your own faith, and teaching me something new about myself daily!

     Life is a roller coaster, and I know your coaster may be more frightening than most, and I hear you and appreciate that some days it's more than you can handle.  But don't ever give up hope, faith, or the fight.  Even though you may not see it, or understand it sometimes, God is always working in your life!  He has protected you for many years.  Bringing you back after you coded, and breathing life into you each time.  Without our faith and trust in Christ Jesus, sweetie, I don't want to know where we'd be.

     I wish I could give you that awesome piece advise to help carry you on your bad days physically and emotionally.  I can assure you that God Almighty loves you more than even I.  I know that's hard to believe but he does and he has great things to share with you.  Those lows, I believe are part of his plan.  It's a reminder honey, that we can't face this human life alone.  We need prayer, family, friends, and faith to lift us, sometimes carrying us, to the highs.

    I am so overjoyed to see you blossom into this young lady I see now.  I know you worry you will let me done, but sweetie that isn't possible.  I wish some days I could take away all that you are confused about with your body and your emotions, so you could have just a second of peace. Through God's Grace, Cora, we will shine and walk a path together pleasing and loving Our Lord!  Remember......you are loved and NEVER alone!

I love you peanut!

Momma