Socially Awkward!

     Friendships...what came to your mind?  How many friendships do you have, and how easy were they to form?  For most of us, pretty easily I'm sure.  For the majority, this is something we learn as we grow, and learn through social situations.  Learning how to meet them, and grow them into lasting friendships, is so important as we grow as individuals.

     Believe it or not, for many CHD children this "simple" social interaction, is a huge struggle. They try to make friends, but the process just doesn't come easy.  The results for many CHD children is so sad.  Some are misunderstood by their peers, some are made fun of, and many have one or no friends at school.

     Let's take my Cora for example.  She strives to make friendships and share her giving personality.  However there is such a social awkwardness she faces daily that keeps her from friendships at school.   Cora can't read facial expressions or body language given off by others.  She doesn't realize when enough is enough, or even when she has gone to far.  She tends to try to hard by exaggerating the story, just hoping for one friend.  Just one person to befriend her and chat with her daily.  This creates frustration, impatience, and dislike in her peers, that leads to de-friending my daughter.  Everyday my daughter awakes for school asking me not to go.  She tells me she try's so hard to make friends but she fails everyday.  I can see she is lonely, looking desperately for some kind of friendship.  I watch her get so frustrated to the point she breaks down, begging me to please let her stay home.  It breaks my heart every time.  Every part of my being wants to cuddle, hold, and cry with her.  The years of protecting Cora has become harder and harder.  I know I must loosen my Momma Bear grips to let her learn and explore, but it is so brutal to feel her pain every single day....praying every night that God will magically place a patient person in Cora's life who truly wants to be her friend.  Who can get past her health and mental issues, and just be a kindred spirit friend!  I just simply can't imagine what it's like for her to face yet another obstacle...even one like this, that I take for granted.

     So what do I do?  I wish I had a magical answer for my sweet CHD daughter.  I wish I could tell her everything will work out.  But honestly what teen wants to hear that?  What person, teen or adult, who knows she has social issues wants to hear things will get better.....eventually?  So what our family has begun to do seems to bring a little sparkle to my sweet daughter's eyes.  My hubby and I spend much time with her role playing.  Showing her how friends interact, how body language and expressions are hidden signs.  We have discussed as a family behavior therapy, which will be two fold for her.  It will give her a chance to express her raw feelings, and it will be filled with teaching moments for her.  Other than that we are still learning as we go.  

     If there is one thing I try to remember each time I become overwhelmed is "The Lord will guide you continually." Isaiah 58:11.  I may not always see the results I pray for immediately, but I know I, and Cora, will be guided continually!

Blessings Until Next Time!

Drena

Pandora's Box!

     All it took was one trigger and Pandora's box was opened.  A side I usually can contain, exploded in a way I am ashamed to admit, won out at that moment. I stood in the middle of the room feeling my ears burning. I knew I was on the verge of losing it.  I gave into the anger......evil found an opening in my thoughts and snuck right in.  It took over all my emotions and sin began!

      Arms flying in the air I started. "You have no idea what it's like.  I have to prompt her 100 times a day to remember stuff that everyone else in the world doesn't even have to think about.  It just comes automatically to them, but not to her.  It is so exhausting to be her brain and mine! I recognize it isn't her fault but some days...well some days I am tired of constantly repeating myself.  I am sick of hearing my own voice.  I have become a nagger instead of a kind encourager.  I frustrate so quickly instead of being slow to anger.  I am embarrassed of the parent I am becoming.  I can feel myself lose control of the situation when it occurs and I just can't get a hold on it.  I know there has to be a way to get things to stick inside her little brain.....why can't anyone figure this out?"  By this time I am in all full blown hissy fit.  I am folding laundry with gusto, and deliberately throwing down the folded towels on my bed.

     "Honestly Lord, I am sick of being the shoulder to lean on. I can't be with her 24/7 so when she doesn't remember who is going to help her?  You know how many times she would have missed the bus or, gotten on the wrong bus without a teacher guiding her this past school year?  Maybe the anticipation of school beginning soon is adding to my stress.  But when school does start the stress will intentsfy, making the simplest of tasks down right unbearable for both of us.  I've tried so many different things to fail each time.  I am only one person.....and maybe I'm wishing for something crazy?  But miracles happen everyday, why can't a miracle break though be one for her?"  Crying like a crazy person and pacing the floor I continue. 

  "Lord what has happened to me?"  Dropping to my knees I ask for forgiveness for my selfish tyrade and the immature way I have just behaved.  Begging for forgiveness of my sins and insight on how to do better I finish by just sitting in silence.

     This is not something I am proud of by all means, but something I, as a CHD parent, goes through more than I care to admit.  My reason for sharing this to let others know, including other CHD parents, that you aren't alone in the meltdown world.  Yes if you keep things bottled up, and not pray often enough, these little things will boil over and well.....you can see what happens as I shared above.  My lesson learned is exactly as I just wrote plus........every strong person will have time of weakness.  It depends on how we handle those weak moments that make us grow stronger and closer to Our Lord!

Blessings until next time!

Drena