Boy how time has flown by! It is hard to believe it has been a year since Cora's yearly appointment at Childrens Hospital. With her appointment just a few days away, I have begun gathering necessary items, and began discussing with Cora what to expect. Cora seems to do so much better if she is informed a bit in advance of her appointment and what is to come. Approaching it this way has helped reduce some of Cora's anxiety.
Cora is such a trooper, since the time she was a baby, with everything. It gets to me every time I listen to her talk about going to the hospital. She has told me a million times, it's her second home. That she feels safe, and not judged. She says going to her visits make her feel like someone special. Everyone knows her name and everyone is so kind. Whether it's a 6 month appointment or a yearly appointment, the only thing she gets anxious over is the EKG.
Our last visit was difficult. Cora cried after her EKG. Her precious skin is so sensitive, and the stickies they have to put on her chest, arms, and sides are so painful coming off. She always begs for me to be the only one to take them off. As I do, I watch this poor little things body tense up as I work the stickers around her scars off. She cries and tells me it hurts so bad! I try so hard not to cry myself, because I feel so helpless. Cora has expressed to me that she isn't looking forward to the EKG and asked if there was a way to skip it. Unfortunately my answer is always the same......it has to be done sweetie!
As I'm recalling this something has hit me. Those strange little stomach churns, and a few restless nights were really my signs. But getting that stomach churning feeling again I get it. I am nervous!! I am nervous of what these tests may discover, I'm nervous more things have declined over this past year. I'm nervous I may have missed something being logged in her journal that could be of help to her cardiologist.
In just a few short days Cora will go through her normal testing. She will have an echocardiogram, x-rays, and an EKG. After all of the testing is completed and reviewed by her cardiologist, he will then meet with us and share the results. For me that's the most difficult. Listening to the new information, trying to process each piece of information given, then explaining it to my daughter. As she has gotten older, she is more acute to what is going on with her health and her condition. Sugar coating things isn't easy now, because my 14 year old warrior princess is getting pretty good at read between the lines!
As Cora grows it seems to become more difficult for me to be strong. I have always kept that strong outward image for my family as well as myself. Beginning this blog has helped me reconnect with emotions I buried many years ago. I have grown, and continue to grow and learn. Thankfully God gave me a wonderful gift, writing. The bonus.......God gave me the ability to share with all of you! My friends far and near.
So as this appointment nears, I will lean heavily on my faith. I vow to also continue to strive to be open, sharing my emotions and the results of this up coming appointment.
Blessings Until Next Time!
Drena
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